Have you moved to Norway because of a Norwegian? Or are you Norwegian and have a foreign partner? Read on to learn about other people in the same situation. You’ll be surprised to find out how similar your thoughts and feelings might be.
This is the first of a series of Interviews with Norwegians (Having A Foreign Partner in Norway). We talked to Ann Helen Lea-Smith, a Norwegian married to an American.
How and where did you meet your husband?
I first met my husband in Paris in 2003. We were both backpacking and stayed in the same hostel. We had about 20 hours together, drinking wine by the Eiffel tower, visiting catacombs and running through busy market places. We went our separate ways, but stayed in touch through email and phone calls. There were some years we lost contact, but in spring 2009 we reconnected and I went to see him in the States in the summer of 2009. On June 24th we got engaged and Christmas Eve six months later we were married.
What made him decide to move to Norway?
Oh, multiple reasons. When Trev and I fell in love again, he was studying to become a physical therapist and had three more years to go. We were first filing for the fiancé visa to get married in the States, which requires a lot of documentation stating we have a legit relationship etc. Trev decided he wanted a career in getting athletes stronger, faster, leaner, better, not filling out forms and convincing people to do rehab exercises at home. So with Trev completing a bachelor instead of a doctorate, the immigration process seemed a lot easier and faster in Norway. Plus I had just finished my master’s degree in Nordic language and would like to get some relevant work experience before applying for jobs in the U.S. The plan was to live in Norway for a few years anyway, because I want my husband to learn my language and see what culture I come from.
How were the first 3 to 6 months of your husband living in Norway?
To be honest, the first few months were very disappointing. We arrived in June 2010. Visa waiting times had gone up, the work visa got denied so we had to file for family reunification, there was next to no sunshine the entire summer, very few people around us spoke English fluently and Trev was craving something meaningful to fill his time with. I started a job in August, Trev started training some guys for free and we got a kitten.
What were the major challenges that had to be overcome?
The dynamics of moving, getting all the stuff we wanted to bring from the U.S., waiting for visas, finding a routine to make the days meaningful.
Was your relationship affected as a result of the move to Norway? If so, how did it change?
I know that Trev really wants to be with me. If we weren’t 100% committed to our marriage, he’d be back in the states a long time ago, making a career as a personal trainer in a warmer climate. Life doesn’t always turn out the way you picture it. A man who wants to work and isn’t allowed can be very bitter. I had to learn that the outbursts of frustrations weren’t my fault.
Did you find it hard to help Trev integrate into the Norwegian culture?
My husband has always wanted to integrate. He doesn’t like the right of ways laws in traffic, and he finds parking lot design outrageous. I can’t really persuade him otherwise, because I fully agree. After three weeks of speaking English only to me, a few of my friends and my family, it was amazing to meet up with expats. We went for morning coffee in Stavanger and spent four hours talking to native English-speakers. Trev was like a different man afterwards, he got his energy back. We talked to Americans that want to stay permanently in Norway and got renewed faith in our plans to settle here for a while.
How did your family react to you having a foreign husband?
My father said it would have been a lot more practical if I found a guy in the neighborhood I grew up in. My mom was glad Trev speaks a language they can communicate with him in (I’ve been studying a lot of random languages, so I guess my mom feared I’d come home with a Croatian with no knowledge of English or German). Me reconnecting with Trev happened really fast, and they had barely heard his name before I had tickets to the states and announced we were going to get married. They get along really well, Trev loves my parents and my brothers, and their sarcastic sense of humor makes for good family stories.
Did you do anything to make Trev’s transition to living in Norway easier? If so, what helped?
We started learning Norwegian before we got here, but that didn’t really lead to anything. What did help was the discovery of a powerlifting gym close to where we live, the pursuit of other Americans in Stavanger and talking our landlady into letting us get a kitten. I searched for volunteer jobs in the papers, online and by asking around, but in the middle of summer there is NOTHING and you need a personal number to work for most volunteer organizations. I arranged little weekend getaways and dinner parties at our place.
Looking back now, is there anything you wish you would have known about the Immigration Process or did to improve the transition?
It would have been great to know that the UDI doesn’t acknowledge personal training hours as a full time job. In order to get a skilled worker’s visa, you need to work 37,5 hours a week and make close to 200 NOK per hour. Isn’t ironic that foreigner can wait for 6 to 8 months for a work visa in Norway without permission to work. Living here isn’t cheap, so how can you get money for living expenses?
What advice would you give to someone in the same shoes as yourself?
If you have a foreign partner waiting for some kind of visa without permission to work, get connected with people from their home country. It is incredible how similar the experiences are. Even if your partner says he/she is ok, getting together with people that have been in that same situation is healthy both for him/her and yourself. And get your family and friends involved with your partner. My husband has dug up large parts of my grandma’s garden to make a better drainage system (he got paid in homemade socks) and my uncles have delivered lots wood to be chopped and taught Trev about Norwegian plumbing.
Has Trev now found a job in Norway?
He just started working as a personal trainer at Elixia in Stavanger. The job market in Norway seems to be very good, or my husband is a highly wanted employee. Last year he walked into a couple of commercial gyms and was immediately offered a job. A few days before Christmas he received an email from the boss at Elixia St.Olav asking if he’d gotten his work visa, and if he had, he has an open invitation to start anytime. Trevor is currently calling people that want personal training and then schedules them for training. He is doing great at his job and has in short time established himself as a trainer that the other trainers ask for advice.
Thank you so much for your time, Ann Helen and congratulations to Trev on his job! We at Stavanger Expats wish you two all the best and enjoy your time in Stavanger!!
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About Cynthia Myrnes
Cynthia is a Singaporean who has been living in Stavanger since Feb 2008 with her Norwegian husband. She works as a physiotherapist here and also owns her own petsitting service, Stavanger Petsitter, for the residents of Stavanger. In addition, she manages the Stavanger International Moms group. She loves hanging out with friends, spending time with animals, travelling and watersports such as scuba diving and wake boarding. Most of all, she is enjoying the experience of being a first time mom!
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1 comment
Lani Cantor
Feb 8, 2011
Thanks for that article! As another American who moved to Norway for a Norwegian its really nice to hear about the experience from “the other side” and how you coped. Congrats on the job and good luck to both of you!